“Ask any guy if sex is important in a relationship and the one who says no is lying. When you meet him, let’s get him into the Smithsonian – he’s that special and rare.” – Steve Harvey, (Harper Collins, 2009) Actually, there’s probably something wrong with that man—and sex is important to women, too.Much has been said about the sexism of Harvey’s book and derivative film (which isn’t merely sexist, apparently, but homophobic).I've been looking hard at the profiles of women on dating websites and conclude that many of them seek qualities that I don't have.But I still find it difficult to identify quite what is so off-putting about me. Thanks to the many readers who have written in to share their experiences, from the awful to the ecstatic, I now have lots of ways to make your internet dating experiment more fun and less emotionally hazardous.Once we begin to become aware of our own needs and wants, then we know what's important to us and what's not.We won't waste our time with people who aren't a good fit for us, and we can work on maintaining good relationships with the people who share our core values.
As it turns out, it is our own internal battles that are showing up on the scene and it has absolutely nothing to do with our partner. I was one of those people when I first got divorced. Otherwise, you spend all your time bogged down in your own internal issues, never getting to the 20 percent that is vital to creating a meaningful relationship.Falling in love with Rachel might’ve been acceptable, if only Joey had kept his feelings in the realm of fantasy and what-ifs.Rachel had absolutely no right to say “yes” to a date with Jean Claude Van Damme, because she was fully aware that Monica had a crush on him.Thanks to the influx of dating advice and pop psychology that threaded their way through late nineties/early ‘00s pop culture, ’ screenwriters and producers hysterically restrained the show’s dialogue in order to avoid explicit sexual vocabulary.There’s no way that friends in real life would throw in a pair of raised eyebrows with the vague “You know, be there for her” to adequately explain that Joey needs to be prepared to orally please a girlfriend the way Monica did in “TOW Rachel Finds Out.” This kind of innuendo successfully made the audience snicker and allowed the show to get away with Ross dumbly asking Rachel “You’re over me? ” and making it sound innocuous rather than sexual in an intentional way.