So how do you keep the spark alive without an official date night?
Here are a few ideas for how you can connect with your partner when time and energy are in limited supply.
I won’t spend too much time on this question mostly because I’m biased: I met my wife using
I understand if you’re having reservations about giving the service a try (I had the same reservations myself).
In order to identify the wedge that’s driving couples apart, it’s helpful to understand the concept of the “fantasy bond.” As the major principle of a comprehensive psychological theory developed by my father, psychologist and author Robert Firestone, the “fantasy bond” describes a way of relating that serves as a substitute for a truly loving relationship As my father has written of the fantasy bond, “This illusion of connection and closeness allows [a couple] to maintain an imagination of love and loving, while preserving emotional distance.” As one woman who was going through a divorce after six years of marriage said, “Growing up I was terrified of being alone, but I also knew that I was afraid of being close to another person.
In a sense, my marriage solved my problem: My husband was physically ‘there,’ so I didn’t have to be afraid of being alone anymore, and I acted in ways that kept him at a distance that I could tolerate emotionally.” The state of physical closeness and emotional distance is what characterizes a fantasy bond.
As parents, we spend our days asking the other to wash the bottles, taking turns dealing with the emotional tempests of a 5-year-old, and lamenting the fact that our bedtime “routine” involves the kids getting out of bed 72 billion times every night.
It’s easy to lose sight of how lucky we are to have each other. And if anyone knows what’s essential for a healthy relationship, it’s two divorced people.
(I’m up for watching this one pretty much every night of the week.) But honestly? Between the newborn’s nighttime feedings and the kindergarten schedule and our day jobs, we consider it a success if we both manage to stay awake past pm.
Hopefully this information can help decide if this service would be worth your time or not.
If you are interested, you can see more on my thoughts on this topic in my article titled Is Online Dating Worth It?
Related: How to Reconnect With Your Spouse Like Magic, According to Science We don’t do date nights very often – we’ve just had two since Bailey was born four months ago.
With no family in town, “date night” becomes synonymous with “hire a babysitter,” and that can get awfully expensive.