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    The ladies are too busy groping the implants on display, as well as Cynthia’s boobs.

    Phaedra is with Cynthia’s boobs in a way that doesn’t seem like a supportive friend, but like somehow Cynthia’s breasts give her life force and if they’re taken away Phaedra will wither up like an old leaf and blow away in the wind.

    Porsha and her friend writhing around on the floor with crystal eggs shoved up their vaginas. Let’s get this thing over with in the hopes that something better is around the corner. The Housewives slowly file into the room in a producer-organized manner.

    Phaedra jumping around like some sort of bridge toll who trades passage for titties. The rest of the episode is just one or two conversations repeated ad nauseum for no one’s benefit, much like how we all feel about 2017. She also decides to invite the rest of the Housewives because maybe they would like to go in on a two-for-one, rather four-for-two deal.

    I roll over and peer above my husband’s shoulder at the alarm clock. He’s on his back, so I decide to cuddle up and lay on his chest. In between calls he jokes with me about the sounds I made during sex. I hand him the i Pad and suggest we watch an episode of something before bed.

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    I get a thank-you kiss on the forehead in return for making his coffee, then he shuffles back up the stairs with his mug and heads for the shower. I have boxes everywhere I need to unpack, but 38 weeks pregnant and my husband not having to work until five makes motivation and productivity extinct. I guess I will do a load of laundry, though I don’t know why, since I walk around naked anyway. I go into the bedroom to put the clean clothes away. I lightly push him off and tell him “later.” I kiss him before climbing out of bed. It’s his day off, so we decide to get out and run some errands. I’m five-foot-seven and went from 145 pounds and natural . Husband is reading magazines about rifles and cars as he sips his double tall breve mocha latte. It’s amazing we can both still fit in the tub facing each other. He tries to climb on top of me in the tub, but no amount of spreading my legs or bending my body is making this position possible with my huge belly between us. My arms are crossed over my boobs in a lame attempt to keep them warm, as I shiver from the cold mist that splashes me while he is under the hot water. At least he still enjoys me soaping up his balls and helping him rinse off. Husband is sitting on the couch with our cat, reading some news article.

    What I don't know is how her husband will feel about it. Aside from the little matter of her marital status, she also believes I have a wife, but she doesn't care.

    She wants instant gratification even though we've exchanged only a few words online.

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