I don’t know how seriously to take this lack of “spark.” How could I break up with such an amazing guy for no concrete reason?If it is OK to slow down the relationship, how could I tell him this without hurting his feelings?You need more than physical and sexual attraction – you should be getting an initial sense of their values and whether they treat you with care, trust and respect, and of course match words with actions.If you’re not getting to know them or you are, and are experiencing things that are at the very least proceed with caution signals or at their worst, full on abort mission signals, this is because you’ve already decided to commit, regardless. There’s this one boy, we’ll call him Boy A, and I really, really like him.He’s really sweet and knows how to make me laugh, which I value a lot.Maybe your friends and family even like them and are repeatedly warning you not to “let this one get away.” But still, you just don’t feel it for them.Here are some suggestions if you find yourself feeling like you should want to be with this person more than you actually want to be with them.
They’re nice; they’re funny; they’re smart; they’re not needy or bossy.
I really do care about him, but I think maybe this should be a close friendship rather than a relationship.
Thanks for the help, —Muddled in Milwaukee Dear Muddled, It’s so refreshing that you were brave and aware enough to see that you needed a time out from negative relationships and junk that was making you feel bad about yourself.
Generally speaking, to get to the point of going on a date, there is some level of attraction there.
However, unless you’re superficial or living in Lala Land, the point of dating is to build on the attraction, get to know the person, and ensure that whatever ideas and assumptions you have are grounded in reality.